This talk is fun but full of true tales of tragedies, failed projects, bad code, and other crazy things that software engineers, designers, and pointy-haired bosses everywhere do. Have you been on a project death march, or a project you knew was a train wreck? Perhaps you've seen code that defies all logic? Have you measured code quality by the number of "WTFs per minute"? Whether it's ruining the integrity of a database, or eating up all the available memory on a machine, every day we see engineers and architects making spectacularly bad choices, and can only wonder why. Some of the things they do are nearly unbelievable! The language doesn't matter, nor does the vendor. It happens in C# and C++, VB and Ruby, Delphi and DBase, and everywhere else. In this session, you'll see some high-speed train wrecks of projects as witnessed by the speaker's decades in the industry. Like the time when someone checked an entire VM into source code control, or when a manager deployed web sites straight to production, without testing, passing by QA. It is these kind of developer dysfunctions that happen just as someone says "But it works on my machine!" Incompetence abounds, and now is your chance to be entertained by it, rather than having to deal with it yourself.